sexually frustrated

I am sitting here excited about the future and scared still about the present. My goal today is to get the house clean before i have to pick up my son.  I share custody equally so it is not unusual for him to be here for a whole weekend. this weekend he is here because his mom is going away for the weekend skiing with her new boyfriend. We have been apart 4 years I have dated plenty. I have not had a problem meeting women. i am kinda in a relationship right now. However it still pains me when i hear about her new love. I still miss her i still like her company. We see a lot of each other because of our son. We do all the school stuff together etc. I know that our relationship was not what I wanted in a marriage in many ways yet we still have so much in common. I wonder when if ever the hurt goes away. I dealt with in the past by going out myself and meeting women. I propped myself up by the sexual attention I seemed to be able to attract fairly easily. i must not be all bad these really smart , creative, hot women want to be with me.....

I can't do that right now for a lot of reasons the biggest one being i am broke.... and it doesn't solve anything and it is not fair I am not really available right now because i have too many crisises to deal with at the moment. What I really need is a friend with benefits. How ever unlike half the bloggers on here I seem to find that hard to come by. I need the distraction and excitement of sex with someone that I like and respect and feel comfortable with. I need someone I care about. Unfortunately as much as I want that person to be a girlfriend It is unfair to pull anyone else into my dark orbit right now. Yet i am feeling very passionate even downright horny. I need a evening of fun , passionate relaxed fun.....

Instead I am going this weekend to a big school party, a soccer game a kids bday party, all places where I will be the only single parent. Where I can't even flirt playfully if someone single is there because it is all too close to my sons world and my dating world and his world do not collide..... oh well i do love being a dad and I love the community of parents and friends we have. I should be grateful for that but i really could use some adult relaxation this weekend to get my mind off money, my mom being sick, work and the lack of it, and lastly my ex wife.